“Pushing theater to the edge fearlessly, and perhaps even wantonly . . . Unlike anything else that’s playing on stage in New York at the moment”
-Martin Denton, nytheatre.com, on “Vignettes 2009″.

Coming Soon

EndTimes Productions Presents:

The Atomic Cafe

Thursday, March 11 2010
8pm @ The Ace of Clubs
9 Great Jones St.
$10

Featuring:

Stephen King’s High School Musical

Danny Torrance is a talented young writer and the most popular boy at Castle Rock High. But when he meets Carrie White, a mysterious redhead with a history of heartbreak and telekinesis, he learns that sometimes the most terrifying thing in Maine…is love.

Freedom Instinct Theatre

This one-of-a-kind troupe is made up of seasoned actors and actresses who have been honing their own brand of comedic Improvisation for the last year in association with EndTimes Productions.  Playing to sold out houses at The Gene Frankel Theater, Ace of Clubs, and Bleeker Street Theater, FIT continues to explore the intersection between traditional theater and improv.

Stand-up Comedy by:

• MATT WAYNE
• DOUG SMITH
• GEORGE GORDON

WHAT A CRAZY-FUN NIGHT!!!

EndTimes Productions Presents:

The Atomic Cafe

Thursday, March 11 2010
8pm @ The Ace of Clubs
9 Great Jones St.
$10

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Stephen King’s High School Musical

Ace of Clubs
9 Great Jones Street, NYC 10012

March 11th @  8pM

Danny Torrance is a talented young writer and the most popular boy at Castle Rock High. But when he meets Carrie White, a mysterious redhead with a history of heartbreak and telekinesis, he learns that sometimes the most terrifying thing in Maine…is love.

Will everybody laugh at them? Will Danny succumb to the deadly charms of Dolores, his “Number One Fan?” Will he be murdered by his Dad? And how does that creepy clown over there feel about all this? One thing’s for sure…in some schools, dead is better!

Stephen King’s High School Musical was created by Jamie King and Sam Rosenberg and enjoyed it’s premier at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre (NYC) on December 18th, 2009 under the direction of John Flynn. It features eight original songs and stars Sam Rosenberg, Sarah Jane Marek, Kendra Treichler, Alessandro Colla, Bob Barth, Brianna Tyson and Leal Vona as Dollawise the Evil Rapping Clown.

Review from Broadwayworld.com:

“The most unique [presentation] thus far was the stunning and clever Stephen King’s High School Musical…the wit of the writing was on the same level as that of the Urinetown folks. Don’t be surprised if this duo is writing musical comedy for Broadway producers very soon. The show also featured some great performers including [Sarah Jane Marek] as Carrie with a song about telekinesis that had the audience nearly falling out of their seats with laughter, and Brianna Tyson who’s portrayal of Carrie’s zombie mother was one of the highlights of the night. “

Share and Enjoy:

]]> http://endtimesproductions.org/2010/stephen-kings-high-school-musical/feed/ 0 http://endtimesproductions.org/2010/freedom-instinct-theatre/ http://endtimesproductions.org/2010/freedom-instinct-theatre/#comments Thu, 18 Feb 2010 04:29:44 +0000 EndTimes Productions http://endtimesproductions.org/?p=610

FIT, the Freedom Instinct Theatre, will perform on Sunday, February 28th at the Broadway Comedy Club, at 7PM.  This one-of-a-kind troupe is made up of seasoned actors and actresses who have been honing their own brand of comedic Improvisation for the last year in association with EndTimes Productions.  Playing to sold out houses at The Gene Frankel Theater, Ace of Clubs, and Bleeker Street Theater, FIT continues to explore the intersection between traditional theater and improv.

FIT

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

The Broadway Comedy Club

318 West 53rd Street

New York, NY

7pm

$10 tickets + 1 drink minimum

Santa’s reindeer conspire to rid themselves of the syrupy sweet Rudolph.

Part 1

Part 2

A hardcore pro wrestler and his lovely wife do a Christmas party .. TO THE EXTREME!!!! This one-act play was part of the Naked Holidays 2009: Fear of a Black Santa play festival produced by Endtimes Productions in New York City.

Quote from the NY Times, December 11th, 2009 from the review “Come on Santa, Put Your Clothes Back On” by Neil Genzlinger “… a skit involving Christmas at a professional wrestler’s house may be the funniest of the year.”

EndTimes Productions Presents

Naked Holidays NYC ’09 – Fear of a Black Santa @ Ace Of Clubs

December 2nd – December 20th 2009

Naked Holidays ‘09 at the EndTimes @ Ace of Clubs
9 Great Jones Street, NYC 10012

New York – More singing!  More dancing!  More naked!   For all the non-traditional purveyors of holiday mischief and merriment, let nothing dismay you this holiday season.  EndTimes Productions will present the Third Annual Naked Holidays NYC this December, a gleeful pageant filled with indulgent tidings.

Originally conceived by the Sacred Fools Theater Company of Los Angeles, Naked Holidays is a darkly comic Yuletide bacchanalia fit for Samson himself.  George Larkin’s opening is a boisterous reaction to some of the most popular holiday images; delving into the hilarious customs of our best loved winter holidays, and the pagan traditions celebrated nowadays as Christmas.  Yet not even the Olympics delivers like this multicultural mélange which climaxes in a scantily clad routine that looks a lot like Christmas.  This year’s medley showcases new works that explore deadly plots by Santa’s eight angry reindeer against Rudolph and Rudnick (oh yes, Rudnick), a traditional Jewish nativity scene, a wholesome dad hiding a suspiciously jolly body bag, a belligerently randy hooker working the North Pole, and a bone-crunching table-smashing romp with everybody’s favorite rotund holiday hero THE ANNIHILATORRRR- yes, all in one evening of theater. Bells are encouraged.

The Naked Holidays Orchestra adds a musical flair to the show, and there will be eggnog served (provided the cast hasn’t gotten to it first). – A perfect way to end the company holiday happy hour, or to pre-game for a night out or a trip home.  All are welcome to luxuriate in their favorite proclivities when Naked Holidays NYC opens December 2.

“New ways to holiday!  Shake up your December… EndTimes Productions presents Naked Holidays NYC.”-Time Out New York

“Recommended!”- LA Weekly

“An evening of sex and silliness…a saucy way to make merry this holiday season…you’ll be glad you’re along for the ride.”- Backstage West

Naked Holidays NYC ’09 – Fear of a Black Santa

@ Ace of Clubs

9 Great Jones Street, NYC 10012

Showtimes:
12/2, 3, 10, 12, 17, 19 @ 7:00 PM
12/6, 13, 20                   @ 3:00 PM

Tickets: $18, Students w/ID $15

Written by:  George Larkin, Stacey Lane, Mark Harvey Levine, Brad McEntire, Steve Strangio, Benjamin Thornton, Oliver Thrun

Directed by:  Jerrod Bogard, Andi Cohen, Leah Dashe, Russell Dobular, Matthew Kreiner, Tony Macy- Perez, Leal Vona

Choreography by: Tiffany Herriott

Producers: Jason Furlani, Leah Dashe, Matthew Kreiner

Cast:  Ashley Bloom, Melissa Ciesla, Alessandro Colla, Leah Dashe, Kaitlin Dale, Alex Dunbar,  Charlie Floyd, Heather Lee Harper, Megan Lee, Bridget McMillan, Anthony Mead, Serena Miller, Adam P. Murphy, Marek Sapieyevski, Sarah Schoofs, Meghan Sinclair, Lisa Sobin, Leal Vona

Hit Chicago Cult Musical Makes NYC Premiere
Annoyance Theater’s
MANSON: THE MUSICAL!
October 25 – December 5 at The Kraine Theater

Just in time for the 40^th anniversary of the Tate-LaBianca murders, EndTimes Productions present the long-awaited New York Premiere of MANSON: THE MUSICAL! A long-running 1990’s cult hit in Chicago, this dark musical comedy about Charles Manson features music, book and lyrics developed through improv by the members of Annoyance Theater (including The Office’s Kate Flannery). This revolutionary “Family” musical features guest appearances by The Beatles, Sharon Tate, The Beach Boys and more. Directed by Russell Dobular, previews begin October 25^th with opening night set for November 8^th.

“I went in prepared to hate it, ready to use every adjective in the book to slam their insensitivity, their cruelty — and walked out amazed at what they’d done with a story that, on its own merits, was already so far over the top it couldn’t be improved by satire. Playing it straight was satire.” — Chicago Sun-Times

Cast and Crew

Alanna Blair

(Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, keyboard, guitar, glockenspiel)

Alanna Blair hails from Memphis, Tennessee and recently converted to New York after living in Los Angeles.  Her last play was She do the police in different voices., a solo performance adaptation of The Waste Land by T.S. Eliot which took her to the 2008 Edinburgh Fringe Festival.  She’s also working on the feature film Frogtown (frogtownmovie.net).  Her BFA from California Institute of the Arts’ School of Theater ensures that she will be broke forever.   She sends a crapload of of love and admiration to her amazing Manson Family, and to EndTimes for making this happen.

alannablair.com

Melissa Ciesla

(Narrator)

Melissa is thrilled once again to be working with End Times in the mayhem that is. She is glad to see that her BA in dance and 2 years of intense Meisner training at The Esper Studio is once again opening the doors to a world of insanity, art and fun. As she narrates and interviews her way through this hysterically dark journey she would like to thank everyone out there who keeps her sane and especially Meghan Sinclair for covering her ass so she can be in this production….THANK YOU!!!

Alessandro Colla

(Brian Wilson, Paul McCartney, Peter Tork, Judge, acoustic guitar, vibes)

Alessandro Colla is a Queens native, alumnus of LaGuardia High School (FAME!) and Boston University. Having chosen the red pill only to be stranded by the Nebuchadnezzar, Endtimes has been one of the only things that still makes sense. Remarkable people seem to gravitate to this pulsar, and working with them has been an inspiration.. I thank you all with all my heart. Thanks especially to Russ for drawing us together to create a theatre experiance, rather than murder.

Chris Cornwell

(Dennis Wilson, John Lennon,  Michael Nesmith, electric guitar)

Chris Cornwell is originally from Austin, Texas and holds a B.F.A. from Texas State University. His last venture with the End Times crew was when in March when he directed two plays for Vignettes For The Apocalypse series. He also plays guitar and sings in the blue grass band The Two Gents.

For music and acting clips visit www.chriscornwell.net.

Alexander Dunbar

(Charles Manson)

Alexander Dunbar- is a New Yorker with his heart in Texas, his bed in Brooklyn, and his left hand petting one of his cats. He started his training in Texas, where he developed a penchant and skill for stage combat (and hanging from chandeliers, in particular). Following his NYC relocation and graduation from AMDA in 2004, Alex has stayed busy co-starring with Chinese-food loving felines, working with our nations elderly, to Dreaming in the Mid Summer Night. He’s thrilled to be back on stage, and for the ongoing chance to prove to his family they didn’t waste their time or money. Hehehe.

Cheri Paige Fogleman

(Abigail Folger, Rosemary LaBianca, percussion)

Cheri Paige Fogleman is amazed. Who knew a little air guitar and a rendition of Proud Mary at the Manson audition would lead to this? Super happy. Cheri is a graduate of UNC School of the Arts and of the Maggie Flanigan Studio and has been seen acting on lots of stages in NY and lots of fun indie films AND dancing with many modern dance companies (including Shen Wei Dance Arts, and Aynsley Vandenbrouche Movement Group). Recently she’s been hard at work on a new webisode: HOT MESS… www.shesamess.com. cheers!

www.nycastings.com/cheripaigefogleman

Heather Lee Harper

(Patricia Katie Krenwinkel)

Heather Lee Harper is ecstatic to be a part of Manson the Musical. This is her third show with EndTimes, but the first as a full fledged company member! Favorite Regional credits: Touch (Kathleen), Dial M for Murder (Margot), The Tempest (Miranda), A Clockwork Orange (Ensemble of 10), and Wait Until Dark (Susy). Here in NYC, Ms. Harper is a founding member of The Active Theater Company. A graduate from Arizona State University (BA Theatre Arts) and the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, Los Angeles, Heather is a proud member of the EMC Program.

Tiffany Herrioett

(Choreographer)

Born in South Jamaica, Queens, Tiffany Herrioett began drug dealing at the age of twelve during the 1980s crack epidemic. After leaving drug dealing to pursue a rap career, she was shot at and struck by nine bullets during an incident in 2000. Oh, wait— that‘s 50 cent. Tiffany Herrioett currently teaches tap and ballet to little people (aka children) at Millennium Dance in Harlem, NY. With over a decade of training, she has previously performed at Madison Square Garden as a member of the St. John’s University Dance Team, and has performed as part of Walt Disney Magic Music Days. This is her first time as sole choreographer for a production. She would like to thank Russell for the opportunity, as well as her mom, who supported her by paying “1 million dollars” to facilitate her rigorous training. She would also like to thank the cast for their amazing hard work, and her very significant other, Colin, for his Ghandi-esque patience during the rehearsal process.

Candace Janee

(Linda Kasabian)

Candace first found her passion for the stage in California where her favorite roles included Mary Warren in “The Crucible”, Corie Bratter in “Barefoot in the Park” and The Evil Fairy in “Sleeping Beauty”. She moved to New York to attend The American Academy of Dramatic Arts, where she graduated in 2007. This is her second show with EndTimes after her highly acclaimed turn as the bloody, bruised and pregnant Lily in ‘The Godling’. She would like to thank EndTimes for this unique and exciting opportunity, and her family and friends for all their love and support!

Dana Mazzenga

(Susan “Sadie Mae Glutz” Atkins)

Dana just recieved her MFA from the New School for Drama last spring! She is pleased that her $100,000 degree has led her to such a well-meaning, non-violent, sweet character. Seriously though – thank you to Russ, Serena, Tiff, Mel, the cast and all the other EndTimes members for making a gal feel so at home so quickly- this is a truly loveable and super creative ‘family’. Dana can also currently be seen playing Elizabeth in Radiotheatre’s electrifying production of ‘Frankenstein’ at The Kraine Theatre. And finally – RIP Sexy Sadie: “you broke the rules, you laid it down for all to see”. Sigh.

Anthony Mead

(Beach Boys, Beatles, Monkees, drums)

Anthony acts and has acted on New York City stages. He is especially ecstatic to be a part of this here Manson Do-Hickey with so many fun and talented folks. Seriously, he really is. He’s not just saying that. For serious, he told I.

Serena Ebony Miller

(Cello, bass, music director)

Serena began her musical education in church as a child and could not have then foreseen her participation in “Manson the Musical.” She has been playing cello for longer than she cares to confess and enjoys writing songs and arranging music for theater. Serena has worked with EndTimes Productions as an actress, a musician, and formerly a cleaner of bathrooms. Love and thanks to an amazing cast and band for their patience and talent, Russ and Jeremy for the opportunity, the better side of the Miller family, Paul, and St. Anthony and St. Jude for prayers answered.

Mary Orzano

(Catherine “Gypsy” Share)

Mary Orzano’s regional theatre credits include: Leonard Bernstein’s MASS (Kennedy Center); Souvenirs: A Cabaret to Wage Peace (Kennedy Center); Il Trovatore (The Summer Opera Theatre Company). New York: Writer’s Block (Don’t Tell Mama); Broadway Meows (Don’t Tell Mama); 4 X’mas (Workshop Theatre); Double Exposure (Dramatist’s Guild); Balls (Playwrights Horizons/ Peter Jay Sharp Theatre) TV: Forensic Files; Food Detectives: Season One; Extreme Forensics, Gossip Girl; Law & Order; Law & Order: CI, Nurse Jackie. BM, musical theatre, Catholic University. Mary would like to thank Russ and Serena for this opportunity and the wonderful cast.

Kerstin Porter

(Sharon Tate)

Kerstin has been with the enduring End Times Family for a couple of years now. You may have spotted her as the headless dolly inventor, telemarketing zombie, half naked Christmas dancer, half naked model, and a fully clothed lawyer. It’s still in question if she can keep fully dressed for this show.

Meghan Ritchie

(Leslie Louise “Lulu” Van Houten)

Meghan Ritchie studied at The American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York City and Atlantic Theater Co. Acting School. She is the founder of Mirabilia Features film company and is a member of The Amoralists Theatre Company. Credits include: For Artists Only (Nellie Tinder), A Marriage of Convenience (Turtle Shell Productions), A Girls Guide to Chaos (Chashama), The Pied Pipers of the Lower East Side (Producer, The Amoralists / PS122 and Theatre 80 St. Marks), Amerissiah (Asst. Director, The Amoralists). She’s very excited to join in the fun of Manson the Musical!

Marek Sapieyevski

(Mike Love, George Harrison, Davy Jones, Wojciech Frykowski, banjo, keyboard)

Marek Sapieyevski performs regularly as an actor, singer, and musician throughout NYC and beyond. His most recent theatrical appearances have been with Theatre Rats, Manhattan Children’s Theatre, Planet Connections Festivity, and in the award winning End Times Production of ‘The Godling’ at San Francisco Fringe Festival. As a musician, Marek plays keyboards for The Crevulators, and banjo for internationally touring mariachi/bluegrass/Irish fusion group Rana Santacruz. Many thanks to his fellow cast and crew, and the friends and family who inspire him!

Meghan Sinclair

(Narrator)

Meghan Sinclair is an American actor, television host, and comedienne. She is the first cixelsyd person to earn a role in a musical based on one of America’s most appalling true crimes. Even if it is a small role, and they only let her do it on off days. The miraculous story of how Sinclair’s teacher, <Insert Name>, broke through the isolation imposed by Meghan’s near complete lack of language, allowing the girl to blossom as she learned to communicate, has become known worldwide through the dramatic depictions of the hit tv show, <Your TV Show>.

Kevin Paul Smith

(Charles “Tex” Watson)

Kevin Paul Smith is making his debut with EndTimes Productions and could not imagine a better show to do so with. Sex, murder, camp and tap shoes: what more you could want? Kevin could most recently be seen in several Shotgun Theatre Festivals in New York as well as the 1st Guard (Jonas) in Manhattan Rep.’s production of Antigone. He is excited to be dancing again since his last ventures into the world of the dance as Chuck in Footloose and Danny in Grease. He would like to thank this amazing cast for embracing him when he joined them, his family and friends for their love and support, and especially those people who greeted the news of this show with OMG! instead of WTF!

www.kevinpaulsmith.com

Leal Vona

(Leno LaBianca, Vincent Bugliosi)

Leal  is an American martial artist and actor who is best known for martial arts and action plays. His most successful plays include Central Park, Dead Lawyers, and appearances in numerous Met Opera productions. Due to his physique and his Belgian background, he is sometimes known as “The Muscles from Brussels.” After studying martial arts intensively from the age of ten, Vona achieved national success in Belgium as a martial artist and bodybuilder, earning the “Mr. Belgium” bodybuilding title. He emigrated to the United States in 2006 to pursue a career in theatre, and achieved breakout success with Naked Holidays 2008, based on the alleged true story of a Jew named Murray Baum. He attained subsequent box office success with his direction of last year’s Serling Award winner for Best Dramatic Script, Kitchen Scenes with Nightmares, which grossed over $100 million according to his own figures and became his most financially successful play. Amongst his performance tools are the liberal use of scissor kicks and broken English.

Russell Dobular

(Director)

Russell Dobular is a New York native, born and raised in Flushing, Queens. His plays have been presented in New York, and Los Angeles, and he has directed several dozen productions, including the hit comedies “Angel Shit”, and “Everybody Dies”. Most recently, his production of “The Godling” took Best Director, and Best Ensemble honors at the the 2009 San Francisco Fringe Festival. Mr. Dobular also served as the founding Artistic Director of the Horse Trade Theater Group, from 1997-2000. He would like to thank the amazing cast and crew of “Manson the Musical,” for their dedication, and for making every day of the process a joy.

Christina Hurtado

(Stage Manager)

Christina Hurtado is freelance dramaturg, stage manager and the Managing Director for EndTimes Productions. She’s worked in off-Broadway, off-off-Broadway, regional and international venues, and is now on IMDB as a wardrobe supervisor.

Jeremy Pape

(Sound Design)

Jeremy Pape holds a BFA in acting from Philadelphia’s University of the Arts.  He is the associate artistic director and technical director of EndTimes Productions, a Manhattan based production company, and is currently enrolled in the New School’s MFA directing program (2012).  Recent credits include directing Hope Rd. and Knuckleball, which won best director, best drama and best overall production at the San Francisco Fringe in 2008.  In addition, he recently acted as assistant director for Hamlet with the Brooklyn Stage Company and performed design work for the Ammoralists’ critically acclaimed Pied Pipers of the Lower East Side at PS-122 and White Rabbit’s award winning Meredith’s Ring (best one-act or short play, Planet Connections, ’09).

James Neggie

(Executive Producer)

Hails from Queens where his strict Catholic upbringing left him with a morbid obsession with the idea of eternal damnation. To sublimate this trauma James sought solace in comedy, music, and gourmet food. To this end he is a proud graduate of the conservatory program of the Second City; he is an accomplished Highland Bagpiper; and he suffers from a pronounced chafing problem.

Ilana Landecker

(Executive Producer)

Ilana is very happy to be with EndTimes Productions. Ilana previously directed “A Chance Encounter With George W.” as part of Vignettes, and “Little Misseasonings” as part of the Naked Holidays.

“Manson: The Musical” was originally produced by The Annoyance Theatre in Chicago, IL. It was collaboratively created by the following:

Director Tom Booker
Original Music & Musical Direction by Laura Wasserman Hall
Lyrics by Tom, Laura & Cast
Cast: Mary Booker (Sharon Tate, Mrs. LaBianca), Tom Booker (Narrator), Beth Cahill (Go-Go Dancer), Michele Cole ( Lulu), Gerry Daly (Jay Sebring, Ringo Starr & Others), Jon Favreau (Voytek Frykowski), Kate Flannery (Katie), Melanie Hutsell (Gypsy, Abigail Folger), Jodi Lennon (Linda Kasabian), EJ Peters (Sadie Mae Gl utz), Scot Robinson (Tex Watson), Gary Rudoren (Judge, Paul McCartney & Others), Mike Singer (Vincent Bugliosi, John Lennon & Others), Dave Summers (George Harrison & Others), Becky Thyre (Squeaky Fromme), Ben Zook (Charles Manson).  All rights reserved.

Tuesday, October 6th, 7:00 PM

Bleeker St. Theater, 45 Bleeker St., 10012

A Fund-Raising Event!

“MANSON: The Musical”

The Show That’s Been 40 Years In the Making!!!

Join the whole EndTimes family for “A Very Manson Fundraiser.”

Featuring:

• The Manson Family Band performing songs from “MANSON: the Musical”, along with a very special tribute to the B-52’s.
• “The Godling: The Musical”, direct from the Left Coast, a rootin’ tootin’, hootin’ and hollerin’ good ol’ fusion of traditional French Guignol and the macabre sounds of the American Heartland.
• SIP does improv, with or without a script!
• Jamie King (Serling Award winner for “Best Short Comedy Script”), presenting a workshop of his new Stephen King operetta, “School of Castle Rock.”

And there’s more!

Ever wonder what Squeaky would order at IHOP? Win a date with a Manson Family member in our special bachelor/bachelorette auction!

Raffle prizes include season box sets, courtesy of Showtime, hansom cab rides, and jewelry made right down at the Spahn ranch, by Sadie Mae Glutz herself!

And we have alcohol! Lots and lots o’ alcohol!

Admission: $10

“That’s a lot of entertainment for ten dollars.”

Featuring the Talents of:
Serena Miller, Alanna Blair, Mary Orzano, Chris Cornwell, Alessandro Colla, Judy Merrick, Leal Vona, Candace Janee, Meaghan Sinclair, Becky Sterling, Paul Krasner, Marek Sapieyevski, Anthony Mead, Alex Dunbar, Dana Mazzenga, Heather Lee Harper, Leah Dashe, Cheri Page Fogelman, Melissa Ciesla, and Kerstin Porter.

and

“School of Castle Rock.”
Created by Jamie King and Sam Rosenberg

Featuring:
Lauren Bahr
Bob Barth
Alessandro Colla
Kendra Jewell
Sarah Jane Marek
Sam Rosenberg
And Utkarsh Ambudkar as Dollawise the Evil Rapping Clown

Piano: Jamie King
Guitar: Chris Montgomery

Tuesday, October 6th, 7:00 PM
Bleeker St. Theater, 45 Bleeker St., 10012

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Leah celebrating suburban living in the manner of her people.

As promised I will now impart to you the tale of our fateful journey to the lands surrounding that magnificent bay, with it’s clear, icy waters, populated by fantastical creatures of the depths, and rounded on all sides by hills, and mountains, upon which the inhabitants have built the most spectacular, and unlikely city.  Be forewarned gentle reader that within this idyllic, and paradisiacal setting, lurk things so strange, and terrifying, that were one who is faint of heart, or overly steeped in the mundane boundaries of that material stuff spoken of by the blessed ignorant as the real, to read my tale, the descent of raving madness that must follow, would be a kind of merciful escape from contemplation of the horrors contained herein.  Continue only if you are, like myself, a fellow traveler in the worlds of the strange, and fantastic, so that the revelations contained here will seem no more threatening, or unlikely to you than your own mother’s milk, suckled from that bountiful breast of unique and peculiar knowledge that is the main sustenance for our kind.  Gentle reader, you have been warned, and should you continue onward to the main portion of my narrative, remember that I have been your true, and honest friend, with only your best interests in mind.

We began our journey in that old Dutch colony which lies upon the eastern shores of the rebellious land, whose inhabitants now call themselves “Americans”.  This place deserves it’s own examination, for it’s surfeit of skin creams, and scantily clad persons who run through the streets at all hours of day, and night, while some symbiotic creature with white tendrils, snaking up from their bellies, feeds upon their very thoughts, by plugging directly into their defenseless earholes, whispering secrets that only are only fit for daemons, and angels to know.  After receiving instructions from their cruel masters, they go out into the markets, and purchase all manner of useless things, which they then put into their homes and worship.  I know not the meaning, or purpose of these activities, or the gain to the creatures in this, but in my many years amongst the natives there, they thrived, and multiplied, until almost every ear played host to one of the monsters.  I have begun a study of this wretched phenomenon for the Naturalist Society, and will publish my findings shortly.  Should these beings, known to the Americans as “Eye-Pods”, perhaps for oracular means of gestation, although I never solved the mystery of their generation, find their way to the shores of our brave emerald isle, we must be prepared to defend against them, lest our practical, and wholesome way of life be wholly overcome by frivolity.

Leal earns extra cash for the trip, the only way he knows how.

Let me tell you now of my first fateful meeting with that traveling troupe of thespians who were to be my companions.  By pre-arrangement, we gathered at one of those places from which powerful dirigibles are launched, choosing to brave the chance of tumbling to the earth in a ball of flame, as oftentimes happens in this Promethean age, when man treads ever more closely to the sun, inviting cosmic retribution for his presumption.  Please do not think us arrogant for this, kindhearted reader  Would travel by ship, or rail have brought us to our destination in a timely manner, allowing us to meet our engagement upon the boards of the far away land in which we were due, we surely would have chosen the less heart-palpitating means of travel.  But our fate would not be that of the timid, and the tepid, quietly enjoying the passing landscape, while reading from a broadsheet of the latest political scandal, a plate of buttered scones to one side, and a good strong cup of Earl Gray to the other, as is the preferred method, and manner of transport for so many of our countrymen.  No, ours was to be the path of the adventurer, and if any of us were made uneasy by the place of our departure being named for a slain Irishman, who once led these peculiar people, none mentioned their trepidation.

The first to arrive was the Clown.  He had the long face, and prominent jaw so typical to those who practice his craft, suggesting at once a pathetic figure, and one of deranged merriment.  He was the oldest of our company, having traveled the world many times, performing for Emperors, and Kings in all of the benighted corners of this dark and savage planet.  He was once given an ostrich plume, encrusted with gold, and gems, by an African potentate whom he cured of a terrible malaise, through 30 continuous days of merrymaking, taking time for neither rest, nor food, nor drink, in his efforts to effect a cure.  It was his proudest achievement, even though the strain of his incredible performance had left him with a slight tremble in the hands, and legs.  He had a pensive, contemplative look, which suggested a man who had left a part of himself in a far away place, lost, and beyond recovery.  I greeted the fellow warmly as he made his unsteady way towards me, pitying him for the evident toll that his brave and singular act of merrymaking had taken upon his body and soul.  He managed an uncertain, and trembling smile, and I wondered secretly whether or not he had been too used up by his experiences to be of use to us in our entertainments.

Candice scrunches down on the floor, in order to avoid any imperial entanglements.

I put aside such reservations, as three more of our company suddenly appeared in a motorized coach.  While the driver released their much used baggage from the roof, they dug deep into their poor pockets, hardly able to find the modest fare, between themselves.  This is always the way with artists, being disposed to excess, so that what little is earned through pleasing the crowd, is quickly dissipated in excesses of wine, and food, and gambling, and other things which are not fit to be spoken of in a decent, and wholesome narrative.  It was my obligation to ensure that these  tendencies on the part of my companions did not interfere in any way with our ability to make the appearances for which we had been contracted.  I thought upon meeting them, that my work would be cut out for me, and quite a bit more arduous than I had been advised, upon taking the assignment.

They stood there before me, two men, and a woman, of the oddest, and most perplexing appearance that one could imagine, were one to be inclined towards imagining the bizarre, and the lewd.  The first man was a product of the strangest attempt at  interbreeding  that had ever come before my eyes.  The carrier of both Swiss, and Italianate bloodlines, he was an enormous speciman, covered everywhere in thick hair, more fit to a wild bear, than a man.  I surmised that this was the bestial Mediteranian blood at work, within him.  But inside this rough, and frightening shell was contained the most cordial manner, and delightful intelligence one could hope to find in a Christian soul, deriving from his more light-skinned, and civilized ancestors.  He held out his hand, large enough to contain an entire human skull within it, and in an elegant, and mellifluous voice  said, “I’m Leal Vona, and it is my pleasure to be at your service.”  I almost chuckled at the unlikely combination of Northern, and Southern names, but the size of the creature made me think better of it, and I held out my hand, allowing him to swallow it up in his own.

Next, I made my introductions to a quiet Pole, who called himself, Marek.  I found it difficult to pronounce, and wondered why he didn’t make the simple change of one vowel, that would allow him to take the good, and respected name of Mark, the Apostle.  I hadn’t known that I would have Slavs, and Italian half-breeds as my traveling companions, but I tried to set aside my reservations now that I had come too far to turn back.  He seemed like a decent enough fellow, although there was something about his manner that made me uneasy, as if he might be an automaton, going through the motions of courtesy, and gentlemanly behavior, while a world of malice, and perversion lurked just beneath the placid surface of his face.

Things get a little weird, 'round 4AM.

Moving on from the Pole, and the Papist, I took in the sight of  a ravishing creature, whose obsidian stare, cool smile, and generous mamories put one in mind of a warm spring day and the attendant lusts of that season.  The others called her Leah, but we agreed that I might refer to her as “sugar-nipples”, because she reminded me strongly of a beloved cousin who went by that name.

Finally, arriving late, as her kind always does, being frail, and difficult to rouse by nature of her demure, shy, and retiring temperament, was our lovely ingénue, Candice.  Her beauty was legendary in certain circles, as was her chastity, and modesty, and one of my principal duties was to preserve her innocence, against the habits, and preoccupations of the others, whose purity, if indeed it had ever existed, had been discarded long ago, like a used up bottle of ale, from a questionable distiller.  I would see to it that her immortal soul, and her reputation, would not be so ill-treated.

Taking Candice’s arm, I led the group towards the dirigible, and the beginning of our strange journey towards the Western portions of this savage land.

To be continued  . . .